Africa is a rough country…

The following questions have been posted to tourism offices across South Africa:

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it raining on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.


Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town – can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only two thousand kilometres, take lots of water…


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes…?


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: ….and what did your last slave die of?


Q: Can you give me some information about koala bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe which does not… oh forget it.
Sure, the koala bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.


Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.


Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys’ Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the koala bear races. Come naked.


Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas


Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them.


Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-me-ri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Miskien het julle ouens al die een gesien, maar ek moes dit net plaas want ek luuuuuuv dit!

12 Responses

  1. 😀 Van die vrae het my lekker laat lag.

  2. Die koala-bear racing is histeries, die Yankees is darem maar lekker toe.🙂

  3. Hierie was een van my all time favourite mails. Ek lag nog elke keer, veral oor die Hillbrow-meisie en “come naked”…😆

  4. Hey julle almal.

  5. Hello Werflinge😉

    Dit onderstreep maar weer net een ding, die meeste Amerikaners is arrogant en dink hulle is die enigste beskawing in die heelal.

    Simpel blikskottels.😆 Maar ook die res van die lande op ander kontinente. Sodra jy daar land en hulle hoor jy is van Suid-Afrika dan kyk hulle jou skeef aan en die standaard kommentaar is: “But you are white”

    My standaard antwoord: “No you are mistaken, this a paler shade or black”. Simpel goed, persoonlik het ek nog nooit iemand gesien wat swart is nie.

    Groete van Huis tot Paleis, Pondok en Varkhok🙄🙂

  6. Ek lag myself ook altyd simpel vir die een.

    Ek kan nie glo ‘n mens kry sulke ignorant mense nie.

    Ek hou van die een wat vra “Will we see elephants in the street” …whahaha … dis wat hulle genuine dink.

  7. Ek kom op baaaaie forums agv my stokperdjie – musiek. En die meeste bestaan uit ouens wat dit besoek van regoor die wereld. Die ding wat my disnis slaan is ouens wat jou vrae vra soos “loop daar wilde diere in die strate rond?” of “Kan mens per fiets van Kaapstad na Johannesburg ry”.

    Wil myself vrek lag vir die “ignorance” van buitelanders!

  8. Daar is nie pille vir “domgeid” nie.

  9. Pelle van my het in vir Buitelandse Sake gewerk en was vir 2 jr Amerika toe gestuur. Die ou wat hulle huis vir hulle gaan wys, wys toe ook sommer vir hulle hoe flush mens ‘n toilet en verduidelik waarvoor die wit ding is!

  10. op laerskool is ons kinders gevra om asb vir oorseese kinders
    te skryf, ons moes toe vorm in vul van wat se stokperdjies ons hou ens. wel ek kry toe `n pen pel van New Jersey haar naam was Brenda, sy het ook sulke snaakse vra gevra, vernaam die een oor die wilde diere het vas geglo die diere loop in die strate rond.

  11. Ek het hierdie al ‘n ruk terug iewers gelees maar my nou weer pap gelag vir al die goed. Veral die een van in watter rigting is Noord in SA.

  12. Ja ek glo dis beslis wat oningeligte buitelanders kwytraak, hulle is eintlik so dom en dan dink hulle , hul is clever.Maar die persoon wat die antwoorde verskaf het is skerp.

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